Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
