his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
