Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
