i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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