Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
