Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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