Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
