Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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