Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
