I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
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