No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
