RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
