do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
