I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
