I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
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