For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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