hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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