hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
