Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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