The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
