Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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