he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
