He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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