i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
