Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Life without a bra equals bliss.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
