your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
