I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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