i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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