apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
