I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
