I didn't shave. On purpose
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You left your phone here
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