Cold hands, warm shart.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
