I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
