3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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