I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
