$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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