I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
