very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
