Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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