Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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