i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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