He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Houston, we have a blender
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
