Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
