end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
