please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
