Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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