So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
