Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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