Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
