so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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