He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
