Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Why can't burritos get me drunk
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
