tonight lets celebrate not being married
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
