I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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